Insomniac Ren (transcript)
Episode: Insomniac Ren Ren: Alright, Stimpy, I got a 6 AM tee off time tomorrow, so let's get to bed. (toilet flushes) You hear? Stimpy: Okay Ren. (whistling) (creaking) (sprang!) (sprang!) (sprang!) (mirror breaking) Ren: (angrily) Whatever it is you're doing in there, stop it! (Banging) (water sound) (telephone ringing) (farting sound) (cranking) (pulling sound) Ren: (frustrated) That's enough hygiene for one night! I'll give you to the count of (holds up two fingers) three to get in bed! (faucet sound, water sounds) One, two, three! (Both are perfectly asleep until Ren hears a sound) Ren: You didn't jiggle the handle, did ya? Get back in there and jiggle it! (hair clips falling in bed) (Stimpy jumping like a dog, fluffing pillow, and pinching pillow as singing) Stimpy: ♪A-la-la-we! La-la-la-wa-wa-wee!♪ (goes straight to bed) (kicking cover) Nyuk, nyuk, nyuk, nyuk, nyuk! Ren: (furious) FOR THE LAST TIME! I WANT YOU TO BE... QUIET! (Stimpy is quickly asleep and Ren gets furious looking at the audience) (Time has passed (it is now 11:05), and Stimpy is making quiet sounds as he's sleeping) (Ren is sleeping until Stimpy snored) (Stimpy starts making loud sounds that annoy Ren) Ren: That's it. NOT TONIGHT! (fighting sounds) Snore your way through that! (Once again, Ren is asleep until Stimpy starts making loud sounds that annoy Ren) (Ren takes the cover and his pillow to the living room) Ren: (in his head) Ah, peace and quiet. So very... quiet... You can hear a pin drop. (clock ticking) Fly: What! turns on the TV and gets the sight of a Soviet TV station signing off. The TV then displays static, as the same happens to Ren's eyes. The TV is then turned off. (Ren is back in bed, then thinks) Ren: (in his head) Sleep....Maybe I'm too smart to sleep. (with cruel smile) Yes, that's it. Stimpy's asleep...and he's an eediot. Look at him.....soo peaceful. Dreaming in his sleep..stupid...Dreaming in his sleep... (scene fades to Stimpy's dream) (Stimpy is nursing five kittens and little Ren needs space to get nursed so Stimpy makes little Ren nurse his finger) (they are fine until Ren appears inside the dream with a golf hat and an golf club, tapping Stimpy) Ren: (annoyed) What is this? Stimpy: (sadly) it's just an dream Ren. Ren: (angrily) How am I supposed to sleep with all of this peaceful dreaming going on? (kittens crying) Stimpy: (worried) You're scaring the children, Ren. (Ren in the dream punches Stimpy in the gut until real Ren tells Stimpy to wake up) Ren: WAKE UP! (Stimpy wakes up) Stimpy: (Tired) What's the matter Ren? Uhh, can't ya sleep? (Ren nods sadly) Stimpy: You want me to help you get to sleep? (Ren nods again) Stimpy: What you need, is a warm glass of milk! Don't go away! opens the refrigerator door to see three cockroaches playing poker, until one cockroach gets annoyed. Cockroach: Hey, you moron! What's the matter with you? Were you born in a barn? Get on outta here, you! (Stimpy gets annoyed) And get some milk! (closes door) Stimpy: Here you go, Ren! This'll do the trick! Ren: Hey! This isn't some crusty four-month-old science fair milk, is it? Stimpy: Oh no, Ren. It's (expressingly) fresh! You crazy, you! Ren: (gulping) Hey, it's working! I'm half-asleep already! Hey, give me another. Stimpy: Oh, abuela! (a camel comes in and sneezes into the cup) Stimpy: Hurry, Ren! While it still has (expressingly) fizz! it's camel phlegm, Ren throws up on Stimpy. (It is now 1:20 and Stimpy checks on Ren with an weird face) Stimpy: Waoooo. I know, Ren. I'll read you a (pulls out a book that says "POE") story! Ren: A story? Stimpy: It's my favorite book! Ren: O-kay. Stimpy: (reading) One upon a time, the sky grew (evily) (demonic voice) black as blood! (It turns to 3:00, 5:01, and Stimpy is still reading the story) Stimpy: (Still reading) And the last word he spoke, as his head rolled across the floor was... (screaming) ROT! (normal voice) And they lived happily after ever. Good night, Ren. (Ren is gone) Ren? There you are. Aren't you asleep yet? (Ren punches Stimpy in the face) (Ren is back in bed and his eye pupils look like bacteria) Stimpy: Well, I guess I could sing you a lullaby. Ren: A lullaby? Stimpy: Yeah! That'll work! (poorly playing instruments while singing) ♪Rock-a-bye baby! When the wind blows! On the treetops! Whack-a-doo, whack-a-doo, whack-a-doo-doo-doo! Down came the rain and washed the spider out! A-boom-boom-boom and a-bang-bang-bong! Aboyaboo! Yah Yah Yah!♪ (A time card says "Hours Later" with musical notes) (Ren is crying and Stimpy is singing tiredly) Stimpy: (tired) Whack-a-doo, whack-a-doo, whack-a-doo-doo... Ren: (sadly) That's beautiful. Stimpy: And the dish... ran away... with the (really tired) spoon. (snoring) Ren: (crying) Hey, don't stop. It's working. is now morning. Ren has slept through the night. Ren looks at an alarm clock which reads 6:00AM, and smashes it. (Muddy, Mr. Horse, and Haggis are waiting for Ren by the window) Haggis: What are you doing in bed, Höek? We've got to tee off in ten minutes! Ren: I'm sorry, fellas. I-I haven't had too much sleep lately. (laughs) Muddy: Ya lousy bum! Who's gonna drive? Mr. Horse: Let's get outta here. Ren: Wait. (pulls money out) I'll give five whole bucks to anyone who could just knock me out. Stimpy: (excited) FIVE BUCKS?! Trio: FIVE BUCKS?! (pulls out golf clubs) Ren: (laughs) (Insanely) Nighty-night! Haggis: Fore! (banging sounds, all four leave with money in their hands) Muddy: Gotta work on that slice. Stimpy: (at front of the screen quietly) Shhh, Ren's taking a coma. (sticks out tongue and walks away tip-toeing) Category:Episode Transcripts